The Woman Who Brought Life to Death

By Marco Mak | Hong Kong

It happened five years ago. Like every Sunday morning, Andrew Wong, a businessman in his mid-thirties, woke up early. He put on his jersey and was ready to head to the Baptist University soccer pitch to play soccer with his buddies. Although it was 9°C outside that December morning, the cold didn’t cool off his enthusiasm for soccer. His favorite team was Liverpool, while his fiancée Christina, whom had known for almost 20 years, was an Arsenal fan, but nothing stood in the way of their love for each other.

When Andrew was about to go, Christina was still sleeping in bed. He gave her a peck on the cheek and left home.

“He was supposed to come home at 10 am like every Sunday.” Christina Li, a HR manager with a friendly smile in her mid-thirties, who is the founder of Heart-to-Heart Life Counseling and Education Services, as she retold what happened that day. “When his soccer buddy called me at 11:30 am and asked me to hurry to Queen Elizabeth Hospital, my heart sank.”

“I went crazy at that time. It’s like my heart fell off. I was trembling and kept telling the taxi driver to go faster. And my heart just kept crying ‘Andrew, I’m coming!’”

After rushing through the hospital door where a crowd of journalists had gathered, and dashing past the weeping relatives of Andrew, Christina arrived at a hospital bed, only seeing a body she was so familiar with, covered with a white cloth.

“It was too late…” Christina paused and tried to hold back the tears welling in her eyes. “He looked like he’s asleep. My mind went blank. I felt numb. I kneeled and started banging my head on the bed.”

That was the moment that changed Christina’s life. That was the ground zero where she needed to rescue herself from the rubble and where she found the courage to rescue more souls from their rubble.

Crawling up the rubble

“I need to help myself!”

That’s what came to Christina, who was also a Master in Counseling, when there was a void in her heart after she had finished organizing Andrew’s funeral. She reached out to Comfort Care Concern Group, a 37-year-old non-governmental organization that provides bereavement-counseling services. “Although the service is free, they said I had to wait 2 months for counseling. Then I asked for being a volunteer, they said the next training was on next year.”

Besides the availability of services, the poor location and 9-to-5 opening hours of the group were also inconvenient for the working class.

Seeing the limitations of existing services, the business model of social enterprise crossed Christina’s mind. She would start a social enterprise to help people like her. In 2012, she founded Heart-to-Heart Life Counseling and Education Services, the first self-sustainable social enterprise that provides professional grief counseling and life-and-death education in Hong Kong. Heart to Heart charges $300-500 and is free for people with financial difficulties, while the location and time for counseling are flexible.

“HtH was initially ran on the $300,000 life insurance money that Andrew bought for me,” Christina talked about what the organization meant to her. “I think HtH is a continuation of Andrew’s love. His death was a message to me to help others.”

Although it faced challenges like building popularity, lack of a network and resources, its life-and-death education program was able to get into full swing with support from enthusiastic volunteers.

Life reviewers

William Chan, 32, an entrepreneur, joined Hear to Heart’s Paint-Me-a-Rainbow program, which included conducting a “life review” with the elderly. “Edith [another volunteer] and I visited 84-year-old Mrs. So in the elderly home for four times and made a ‘fotomo,’ which is a 3D photograph art piece that reconstructed the scene of Mrs. So’s old store. Mrs. So really loved it,” Chan said.

Kathy Tang, 22, an accounting student, joined the life review program too.

“I made postcards for the old woman I served to symbolize preserving beautiful moments in a lifelong journey. When we presented the postcards to her, she held them tight as something precious. I was touched at that moment ‘cause the postcards are just a few pieces of paper,” Tang said.

Life review can mean a lot to the elderly. “Through life review, the volunteers can act as an editor to find out the positive elements to add to the elderly’s lives,” said Dr. Celia Chan, a social work Assistant Professor from the University of Hong Kong. She said it is a kind of “narrative therapy” that is useful to help the elderly, “If the volunteers can help the elderly to finish some unfinished businesses like their dreams, it can help them to have less regrets in life.”

A matter of life and death

On April 14, an exhibition of life and death education was held at Sun Yat-sen Place at HKU. Many drawings and posters about life and death were stuck to the ground, attracting many students’ attention. Most of them were unfamiliar with the topic.

Vincent Hsia, 20, an economics student from Taiwan, after reading the quotes about death, took a moment to contemplate.

“I think death is far away and this is actually the first time I hear about life and death education,” Hsia said.

“I think death is a taboo in Chinese society. I wouldn’t even say the word “death” in front of my grandparents,” said Carolyn Yung, 20, a psychology student from Hong Kong.

Although death, to many people, is far away, life and death education is important.

“Death is inevitable; Death is unpredictable. Life-and-death education lets people know death is not behind the curtain, but something that you will face.” Dr. Chan explained. “For teens, who have lower death anxiety, we focus on the coping of loss, like teaching them to deal with break-ups or illness.”

A lively night

The full moon in the clear sky shone softly upon the historical cattle brick houses in the Cattle Depot Artist Village in Ma Tau Wai. On April 12, “Wing Gor Workshop” in the village, which belongs to Wing Gor the sculptor, a friend of the organization, hosted a group of energetic volunteers for a party to celebrate their success in a recent exhibition.

Christina was busy the whole night, arranging the food and making sure everyone was having fun. In the meantime, Tang shared with other volunteers about her school life and went deep into the reasons that brought her there.

“When I first heard of Christina’s story, I cried. She’s such a strong woman. Loss can be extremely painful but she could turn that into energy to help others.” She smiled and peeked at Christina.

At another corner, Wing Gor’s masterpiece of a huge scrap metal man overlooked Christina’s father, Dr. Li Chi-kit, a retired Professor from City University of Hong Kong, his friend and Wing Gor. The three of them were having a fun time and taking big sips of beer. They engaged in interesting discussions about history, politics and art. At one point, they digressed the discussion to talk about Christina. They all gazed at Christina, who was still fixing some food, and smiled.

“That’s my daughter.” Dr. Li simply said, with a sparkle in his eye.

#Feature #Lifeanddeatheducation